Time and time again...

As I've written in other posts, one by one my friends are coming home, some on vacation, some for a while. And it's already starting to feel like family again. It's funny how life works... a couple of years ago, I saw my friends basically every day, and most of the weekend. I saw more of them than I saw my parents or sister. We went through school together and after we graduated thing really didn't change much. At some point we all aquiered other groups of friends, but we always, always, managed to keep in touch, see each other ever wednesday. We lived through failed relationships and other such troubles. But time is tricky... sooner or later, "adult life" starts to kick in. And different lives lay in different paths, in this case in different cities, even different continents (3 of them!) When most of them left us who stayed kept going, and whenever everyone came to visit, it felt as if they had never left. That's how strong we are. And in the mean time, you get to know more people, you get to renew friendships and you get to live new things.
This year in particular was, is... pretty much undescribable. I've felt happier than I've felt in a very long time, and sadder as well. And I try to picture myself in a few years, and I try to think of my friends, and where will we all be, what will we be doing, who might we be with. It's hard ! Really hard ! I see other adults, older folks, and how life has treated them, and I wonder if that will happen to me, to us. It almost always seems like our lives before and after this very moment, are lived by two totally different people. I'm well aware that every choice I make brings me one step closer to the future, but I also know that I'm not alone, and the future isn't only decided by me, but also by the people who are close to me and the choices they make. It's like a mystical game of chess, you make a move, life makes another, and then you move to counter. I've played this game time and time again, and I keep wondering if I've made the right choices, and then what am I supposed to do next. I guess being an idealistic dreamer doesn't help much. But you do your best with what you're given, and you prepare for the worst, always hoping for the best. And in the end, althought you really can't help it, you wonder if it's even worth worrying about.
In the end, all you can do is go on and wait for life's next move. And then, only time will tell.