Life After Z

When ?!

2006-11-13T11:19:00.000-06:00

Two months... a freakin' ocean... and it still gets to me, and it still hurts. When will it stop? When will I take my own advice and let it go? When will I finally be strong? As one of the songs says.. the problem maybe isn't that i can't... it's just that I may not want to. And while I get it through my thick skull that I'm just commiting slow mental suicide, the blood keeps boiling, and the sadness keeps reaching.

Sigh...

One day.. someday...

In the French system...

2006-10-20T07:40:00.000-05:00

I've been in France for little over a month... and "le man" has got me. 27 years in Mexico and I only got as far as a credit card. Now I'm in french social security, have a checking account and card, and waiting for a resident permit and government aid. Wow. Now, I have to tell you, I live in a third world country (people now call them developing economies... you can tell they either don't live there, or don't read our papers) with a maybe fifth world administration. I move to France, supposedly representing the best of the 1st world, and I can't even get a printed bank statement from my local branch. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side, huh? The french just looooove paperwork. Getting the resident permit has been a pain, but I'm on my way. I don't even want to imagine the mess when I notify everybody of my change of address in a couple of months !
I've found a few nice options to move to, I just have to analize my options, go look at them and all, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to be much of a problem. I hope I can get a place with internet. I brought my webcam and it's still in its case ! By now I'm sure I won't spend my nights chatting with my mexican friends, but at the very least I'll be able to keep more in touch. And now, another weekend starts. No plans yet, maybe go have dinner with my friends, if I can get a ride back home, and for the rest of the weekend, I have a duel pending with my financial calculator. Fun.. yeah... I know.
Well my friends, more to come... read ya later!

One down, 11 to go...

2006-10-10T02:45:00.000-05:00

Hey, I just realized this is my 50th post ! cool.
Today marks my first month in france. Wow, time goes fast. Sometimes I feel like I've been here forever, another day of school, another night back home, another meal to cook. You could say I'm used to it. But I can't say it's been easy. It's hard to start a new life, specially one so far and so different from your last one. When you've been going to the same places, seeing the same people, man, even speaking the same language for over 25 years, radical changes aren't smooth, they can't be. But you know? I really didn't expect it to be easy, and I'm sure it wouldn't be as much fun as it was. It is, after all, an adventure. And like any good adventure, it has its obstacles, some of then decently low, some of them pretty damn high. I know I'm bound to crash into some of them sooner or later, but that won't keep me from jumping. As I've said many times before, I don't know what'll happen next year when this adventure is finally over. What I do know is that I'll be braver, stronger and hopefully smarter. And if anything else, that'll at least make me better prepared for adventures yet to come. That alone makes it all worth while.
I'm also happy to say that I'm not alone on this quest. I've met some pretty cool people here and have made an amazing group of friends. One of the great things about being a foreigner is that there are a lot more of us out there, and we're all going through the same deal. I've had such a fantastic time this month... and as I was saying with a couple of friends last saturday, it's only been that, a month ! Imagine what the next 11 will bring !
So yeah, there have been ups and downs, and there will probably be a lot more, both higher and lower... but such is life. I quote Clem again: "we breath only so in the future we can breath again." We just have to remember... the best is yet to come.

La vie en France...

2006-09-25T09:16:00.000-05:00

It's been along time, I know, but finally I'm settled in my new home: the french riviera. Does that sound cool or what ? :D
I have to say, it's very different from what I'm used to, another lifestyle. For one, it's expensive ! I paid 3 or 4 euros for 6 slices of ham. And don't even ask about the drinks. The distances are something else. I live in a very cool house, with a pool and everything, but I have to drive half an hour or more to get to school. And it's not a drive thru town, it's not like I could take a bus, we have to drive thru 3 different towns to get there. But, my housemates are cool, school is nice, and everything is just beautiful! I haven't started any real classes yet, my official courses start tomorrow, so I'll let you know how that goes. For starters, my international finance teacher expects us all to have, onthe first day mind you, working knowledge of the financial market, sotck exchange, and other crazy stuff that, as far as I know, I'm paying the school the school to teach me !
But as I've said, and I've said it a lot actually, "but the guy wanted to live on the riviera," and yes I did. And here I am.

From the other side of the world...

2006-09-15T09:59:00.000-05:00

Again, the time has come to write words that can, proudly, only be said in spanish:

Viva Hidalgo !

Viva Morelos !

Viva la Independecia !

VIVA MEXICO !!!!!!!!!!

525,600 min en France..

2006-09-12T08:03:00.000-05:00

The adventure begins and already there are many surprises... can't write a lot now, must eat. But, it'on... it's très on !!!

PS godamned non qwerty keyboards!!!

End of an era...

2006-09-07T22:23:00.000-05:00

Today was my last class with a group I started working with 10 years ago... wow. I've been teaching all of my adult life and finally that road seems to be coming to an end. At least for a while. Saturday will be my last class. And I'll miss it. I know the time has come to seek other paths, to test other skills, but there's a certain satisfaction in transmiting something you love to others that is very hard to find anywhere else
Tonight starts the end of an era. Change is in the wind, and wind is starting to blow. The question is: where will it drop me off ?

Final Countdown...

2006-09-04T09:54:00.000-05:00

In exactly one week I'll be getting ready to head for the airport. Damn !! Things are really getting hectic now. I'm proud of myself, last night I actually finished packing half of my stuff. I think hehe. I've you've ever stepped in to my room you know what I'm talking about. I still have some paperwork to deal with, and a few things to buy, but I'm mostly set. I guess this is the time where I finally start to get mushy with my friends and this town I sort of call home. I'm meeting people for almost every meal and then some. It's really starting to feel like good-bye. Is it ? I haven't got a clue. Right now, I'll just settle for getting to my home for the next year. Then? Then we'll just have to see, won't we ?
Thanks for the trip sweetie !

2 more to go...

2006-08-27T23:24:00.000-05:00

Two weeks... updating from the last time:
Visa ? check !
List of things ? check !
Dentist ? check !
So things are really rolling now... I only have to deal with a few translations, pack my stuff, and actually get on the freakin' plane. You know how I said last time that it hadn't hit me yet ? Well, it's starting... I now officially have more fingers and toes than days in this city. There are a lot of people I want to see and spend time with before I leave. I'd like to spend some time at home, but it's almost impossible. I still have to make some money so I can't just quit work. But hey, one day at a time... all 14 of them hahaha.
Today was kind of weird, I really didn't wan't to be alone, but I just felt that the person I wanted to be with wanted just that. Damn I'll miss you.
I wonder what it will feel like to wake up on the other side of the world. I wonder what it'll feel like when I wake up in a year and the whole adventure is over...
Musings for another day.

Happy Bday Sweetie !

2006-08-23T00:07:00.000-05:00

Here's where I celebrate another year of existence of a person very dear to me. Happy birthday Sweetie... For those of you who still don't know her, she is an amazing friend of mine, one who I first met 9 years ago, but ever since we met again last year she has been one of the closest and most important persons in my life. One of those select few for which I would happily lie in traffic for should she ask me to.
I hope you have an incredible day, week, and years to come. A huuuge hug for you, which I intend to deliver personally very soon. You're already getting a lot of my writing today, so I won't make you blush here any more than I need to... happy birthday again !

=*

Time grows near...

2006-08-20T22:39:00.000-05:00

3 weeks to go...
School ? check !
Apartment ? check !
Plane ticket ? check !
Visa ? on it...
Suitcase ? check !
Laptop ? check !
List of things I need to take ? still not done...
Dentist ? postponing as much as I can...

Three weeks can seem like a lot for some things, but it's way to little time for others. Ive been trying to squeeze in all the "home experience" I can. Trying to enjoy the little moments, to spend quality time with as many of my friends as possible. I've never been away for that long, but I know it's the small things that get to you. I really wish I could spend more time with certain people, but you do what you can with what you have to work with. And you know what ? It still hasn't hit me. I don't know if it's all the other stuff I've had to deal with, family, work and airline morons, or what, but I'm still not buying that I'm about to leave. I still see at as an abstract future... "someday I'll be in France. " Denial ? Who knows? I'm just waiting for the feeling of ice water down my back.

PS. you can believe in me

A valid question...

2006-07-26T15:48:00.000-05:00

What the hell am I getting myself into ?? hhahahha
I seem to have secured a pretty good place to live in, but it's far from where I need to be, each day I find something more I need to spend on...
Wow, moving across the world can be a pain in the butt ! And still... they might slow us, but they will never stop us !

Made not born...

2006-07-22T16:03:00.000-05:00

Talking with my friend last night got me to thinking. I've already posted about not thinking too much, which in itself is a paradox, because by looking for a solution for that particular problem, I have to think about it. In a word, damn. But, as usual, I digress. I was telling my friend how I need to look for a balance between going practical and going cold. How much do I have to drop the hero and romantic in me, both integral parts that I like a lot about myself. And I remember thinking to myself "I can always go all-tactical, I can do strategy in my sleep, I'm a warrior born." But you know what, that's not true ! That's not true at all.
I'm a warrior, true. I can out-strategize the best of them and my friends who've seen me switch to tactical mode know that I'm good at it. But I wasn't born that way, far from it. If anything, I was born a geek. It wasn't until my teen years that I actually started making that change, first as a hobby, reading strategy books and working out, and then being formally trained in martial arts and combative tactics. But it is the fruit of a decision to change or complement my way of life. Not to get into or out of fights, when I say I'm a warrior I mean much more than that. Modern strategy courses and experts, in business or any other sense, refer to Sun-Tzu's work and an indespensable read. And it is a book about, literally, war.
When faced with a choice, my tactical mind immediately starts tracing paths and solutions, good points and bad. The problem is, most of the time I start weighing in not just my odds, but how my choices affect other people. And that's when I start to let emotions get in the way. That's when I start putting other people (not anybody, mind you, important people) over me in my priority list. Of course, that's when I start overworking the hamster, and I get into trouble. What I've now realized is that if I trained myself to start thinking that way, logic states that I can do the same again. Just train myself to make my choices in a different way, get used to it. Teach my mind which factors need to be weighed in and to what extent. When should I care about myself, and when should I worry about others. And it can be done. Actually, it's the way to go. If your strategy isn't working, adapt and overcome. Learn your weaknesses, learn from them, and fortify them one by one.
It's going to be quite a year, and I say it again: there are changes in the wind... lets see where they might take us.

Happy Bday Joch !

2006-07-15T19:06:00.000-05:00

So the day is probably over in Australia, but it says right here, posted on the 15th !!!
Happy birthday joch !! My friend, another one of my brothers, I hope you have an incredible time, and that you enjoy your present ;) Wish I was there to give it in person, but man, you live too damn far away hehe.

On to the next adventure...

2006-07-15T18:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I got some very good news. I was granted a student loan that will help me make my next adventure come true. Pending further details: my visa, housing arraingements, flights... hey, I never said they were little details hehe... I will be spending a year in France.
This will probably be my biggest adventure yet. Officially, I'll be coursing a master's degree. Off the record... wow... there are just so many reasons. I've never beed away from home for that long, so that's a good one. The feeling of being independent, 100%, at last. The prospect of learning french as a 3rd language is up there as well. There's always that little voice in my head telling me that my story can't only be told on this little place I call home. There's the fact that my family, la banda, is basically already gone, conquering the world and I can't be left behind. Someone incredibly dear to me once answered another friends' question to why I was leaving by saying I was running away from her. It really hurt, even thought some of it might even be true.
The fact of the matter is, I just "don't find myself" (an expression in spanish, usually I don't do that, but it's just right on the money) in this town anymore. Home is where the heart is, home is where your friends and family are, home is where you can just let your guard down, feel confortable, feel happy. Home is where you make yourself belong. My friends are long gone, my family is material for a few other blogs all by itself, my heart isn't mine to give, but doesn't have a home, and each day that passes I grow more tired with my life here. It's come to the point that the question isn't really why I'm leaving, it's more like why would I stay?
It isn't over yet, and it's a process that's been brewing for some time now. My friends have been there lighting my way, helping me push myself for this, and supporting me through the whole deal. My mom's done a heck of a job aswell, even thought she will be the one who misses me the most. I've drawn strenght, inspiration, resources from sweetie, bondwalker, joch and my bro. And it seems it's all finally bearing fruit. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm worried and I'm scared. I really don't know what's going to happen when it's over, what will happen while I'm gone. But I'm sure it's going to be the adventure of a lifetime. I know it's going to make me a bigger and better rob. And all thought I might be losing some things, I will be gaining some more. And at the end of the road, that's what adventures are all about.
Oh... it's on!!!

On flying men in tights...or why underwear goes on the inside.

2006-07-08T19:50:00.000-05:00

Well, basically, because most jeans itch otherwise, how I know ? Don't ask.

A week and a half after it's debut, I finally got to see Superman Returns. The Imax version opened first in Mexico, the regular won't be shown 'til next week. I don't think there's any difference story or scene ways, but for the record, that's the version I'm writing about.
The really really short version is: "I liked it, had a great time." Most of you people who haven't actually met my dear friend Bondwalker have no idea what a dangerous statement that is hehe. Is it perfect ? Not by a longshot. Is it Batman Begind good? Could be... (this is where she starts shouting at me) The thing is, I really wasn't expecting much more than what I got. I've always liked superman. I used to dress up like him for halloween. I liked the movies, and some of the cartoons. But I never really liked the comics. Oh, I like comic books... I just never really liked superman stories. So what did I expect ? I expected to feel like a little kid again, getting goose bumps while a guy in tights with misplaced underwear flew and threw heavy things around. To remember how I felt with the first movie (which to me has a lot of annoying parts too). And that's what I got.
Granted, it's not JLU superman. It's not even Donner's superman. They say this movie takes place after Superman 2. I'd say that's not the case. I think what happened was that this younger superman had the same adventures, but the timeline was moved a bit. Routh looks and plays a much younger Superman/Clark than Reeve ever did. You see the older movies and you easily think the guy is in his thirties. You see this one and you can almost bet he just stepped out of smallville. He played hero for a year, maybe two, and then left. He still isn't comfortable with the whole secret identity thing. The fact that he is almost a god and nobody else can understand what he deals with still gets to him. Sometimes he just feels alone, and I can understand that. And I think that from that perspective, the film makes much more sense. His real problem isn't that he puts his neck on the line everyday. He's freakin' superman with a freakin' super neck, he is never afraid he's going to get hurt. He's afraid how many regular people are going to get hurt if he doesn't get the job done. Batman never thinks he has the weight of the world or even his city on his shoulders. If someone gets mugged and shot on the other side of town while he was busy elsewhere, tough, he can't be in two places at once, he'll just kick the killers' butt later. Superman almost could be everywhere at the same time. He could stop a bullet in chicago and in two seconds stop an old lady from tripping with some branch in nepal. The choice of which branch and which bullet to stop is what finally gets to him. And having his mid-twenties crisis he gets the hell out to where nobody will bother him. I can buy that.
There were things I didn't like of course. As always, the kid seems to be the case. Actually, I had no problem with the fact that the kid was around. The whole lois as a sinlge mom thing was quite believable. Believe me, I know a lot of young moms with 5 year olds, and they're mostly doing stupid things while they get the hang of it. What I didn't like specifically? The piano scene. If they'd skipped that entirely and the only real "clue" that the kid was super was him spotting superman in the water, that would've worked better with the reveal at the end. That and that they dragged the whole "he might be dead" for a bit too long at the end. But shave some 10, 15 minutes off those parts, and I think you've got a damned good summer movie.
Singer did a good job with what he had. He played safe with the homage and risky with the kid. I think Xmen 2 was a much better movie than this one, but you could probably compare it to X1. Those of us who remembered that iceman, beast and angel were founding members of the xmen, that wolverine, rogue and storm showed up years before kitty pride, we had a lot of problems with his take on the first movie. Those guys weren't even close to what the xmen, character wise, that we knew. But, hey, we had fun with it, he made it work. And with that established universe, the second one was amazing.
I say wait to see what happens from here. It might just be great.
Let the shouting begin...

Boston goodness !

2006-07-01T22:58:00.000-05:00

To one of my dearest friends :

Enjoy your adventure sweetie ! Like only a Harvard girl can ;) !

( yeah, I have a friend I call "sweetie", problem with that? bring it on hehe)

Self - sabotage ?!

2006-07-01T22:09:00.000-05:00

I've always been very proud of my mind. I've always thought my brain was my best weapon, something I could use to give me an edge in almost any situation. It just never ocurred to me that, just as every other type of weapon, it could be used against me. It was, as a whole, a very scary experience... an alarm of sorts.
The last few weeks I'd been feeling strange. Part of my face just didn't "feel" normal, and I had these weird headaches. It started out just around my eyes and was expanding, slowly but surely. You don't have to have a MD to figure out that just is plain weird. So I went to see people who actually have MD's hehehe to see exactly what was going on. After a few MRI's, EEG's and a big scare, they told me there was nothing wrong with me. I was 100% healthy.

And yet, half my face was numb !

So what was it ? Stress. Turns out I think things too much. I just came out of a lot of things in my personal life and at the job, and I happened to have a bit more time off. Time my precious little mind decided to put to good use sabotaging my nervous system. Damn.... DAMN! It was the first time in my life I felt ill without knowing what was wrong with me, and it wasn't a good feeling at all. And to think it wasn't some sort of injury, infection, something I ate, something I hit my head with, some deadly disease. It was me ! Overthinking my brain until it smoked. I really makes you wonder what the hell was so important, if it was, that was stressing me so much it made me ill. How can a young, healthy, smart (and good looking to boot hehe) guy let something like that happen to him? And of course, it makes you realize it's just wrong.
Doctor's orders: I need to relax, to take things easy, one day at a time. I have to remind myself "just for today" concentrate on what I can actually do, and not worry about things I can't do anything about at the moment. And enjoy myself as I do. So I'm happy to say I started by sharing a couple of bottles of red with two good friends last night. I'm already feeling better... it's a shame I had to go through something like this to get a head's up. But at the end of the day the important thing is that I learned my lesson.
It summer time dammit ! As a wise kid named Calvin once led by example, it's meant to be lived outside, not no sufferd inside.
So ? get to it ! There's a moral to this story you know ?

One more, none to go...

2006-05-15T22:38:00.000-05:00

Work wise, I go practically stress free except for a few weeks a year. The very worst are one in may, another in november. We host this tournament and every day of the previous week is a pain, and the competition by itself is basically hell. This one proved to be no exception (literally, we were at over 100º ) But I'm glad to say everything went well, and it was the first time in well over 10 years that when it was all over, I didn't stand there thinking "'till next semester."
You see it's very very likely that this was my last one. Or at the very least the last one where I actually have to work. Changes are coming, and they approach quickly. The scary part is I'm not completely sure what those changes will be. I know I'll be in a different place, I know I'll be doing something else. It's the what and the where that're starting to get me. And yesterday, when everything was over, when I was just sitting with my friends, sipping a beer, I had one of those moments. You know what I'm talking about. One of those moments in which you suddenly realize you just took a step, a mark in time you can now officially look back on. "I did good... and most of this crowd will keep doing it in my place... and I'm damned proud of them!" And I couldn't help but smile to myself.
Yes, change is in the wind... and I can't help but wonder what the wind will bring with it.

A vision...

2006-05-09T13:58:00.000-05:00

There's been an idea going through my mind lately. I guess it started at the concert on Sunday, then last night I had a good talk with Bondwalker, and a few minutes ago I was talking with my bro. You see, I've been kinda sad lately for missing my friends, missing the kind of friendship we have... we're our real family, and being apart isn't easy.
But then I realized it... we aren't breaking apart: we are just taking over the world !

Back to the beach: the plan...

2006-05-04T09:59:00.000-05:00

A very cool thing came up a couple of weeks ago and I should have blogged it then... but better later than never!
I used to go to summer camp. In Mexico that's not very common, at least not traveling to another city for it. I can safely say that for 6 years I had the time of my life there. I went from being a kid to being a teen al the way to being something resembling an adult. The people I met, the experiences I had, everything I learned not just from camping but from my friends, was nothing short of magical. Believe me, just talking about those years could keep me blogging for weeks.
Well, time has a certain way of passing, and while at the beginning we all kind of kept in touch we mostly drifted apart. Or at the very least I did. That was 10 years ago (ten !! damn!!!) Since then I've had the habit of googling up some of my friends, seeing if something interesting comes up. I learned a few things but I never came up with any addresses or means of contact, until a few weeks ago. I found an email for a girl that was one of my very best friends during those years and in less than 10 hours, I had written her and she'd answered. I have to tell you, it had been a long time since I smiled like that. After 10 freakin' years I had just found someone... and the coolest part was something she told me: she said she'd been wondering for months how the hell she was going to find me, and then she stopped worrying, because she knew I'd find her. And I did. Is that cool or what ?
Of course you realize we just had to meet, so after some discussion, the designated place was playa(was there ever any doubt ?), two weeks from now. The beach will bear witness of a reunion way overdue. And believe me, it will rock. Oh yes, it will rock.

If he returns, why can't I ?

2006-05-03T09:21:00.000-05:00

Damn, I knew I hadn't posted in a while, but I didn't realize it'd been over a month ! Someone should keep track of these things ! (that would be me, yeah, I know)
I was thinking about writing about everything that has kept me away from this blog: my one-sided love life, my desintegrating family, my trying to finance a year abroad, but I think mostly it's been my complete lack of organization, and probably my fear of what would come out if I actually sat down and typed. Which, when you think about it, is kind of ridiculous since the 5 people who do read this probably already know everything I go thru.
But, then again, when I decided to return to the whole internet authorship thing, I told myself I wouldn't just use this space to complain and pity myself, I'd use it to share. So I think I'd rather talk about Monday. A good day after a real crappy day. On Monday I didn't wait for the phone to ring, I just went ahead. And that's important, and I should do it more often. I decided I wanted to play some pool, something I hadn't done since a few months before Bondwalker left. Way too long if you ask me. Me, my cue stick and a michelada... if only there had been good music for all the two hours I spent there, it would have been perfect. Sometimes I really hate jukeboxes...
Then I called up a friend and almost ate a donkey (inside joke hehe) and went to a movie. It was a good day. It wasn't depressing, it was distracting, it was cool. And it was just what I needed. And yesterday, what I needed was to watch the Superman Returns trailer. And it was just sooo cool. You all know I have a serious hero complex. And it made me think. (Yeah, Superman made me think, got a problem with that ? There is one thing I can do better than almost anybody else, and you don't want to find out what it is ! ) So somethings weren't what I hoped they'd be. So life sometimes has a weird sense of humor. So I went away... so what ? Another morning, another day, another life.
Maybe returning isn't such a bad idea after all !

Cloudy day...

2006-03-23T11:33:00.000-06:00

I wish I had a magic light I could just shine in my friends' way, cut through the rain and make them feel better.
But, there's no such thing, so I'll just have to do it the hard way :)
Any thing, any time, any way, any where... just name it, I'll be there.
Take care sweets..

Ghosts of birthdays past...

2006-03-22T09:00:00.000-06:00

So I'm now officially one year older (actual date was Sunday, apparently Bondwalker has now made it an Australian Holiday). I generally think I don't worry much about my age. I'm not one of those people who get worried that "time is running out." The fact that I don't have a girlfriend or that I'm just about to go back to school doesn't worry me at all, at least consciously.
I have to say that I had a great time, I had a party on Saturday and people actually came, and I spent a good part of Sunday with a reaaally special person. But the week before was kind of weird. Not sad or anything, just weird. I kept having these flashbacks of sorts, things would come up that would remind me of important things that happened in the past both good and bad. And it was... well, weird. Comparing the life I had then, how I felt, who I was with, what was I thinking, what were my dreams... and where I am now. I saw a girl I used to go out with and she told me I'd changed a lot since then (a little bit over a year, year and a half maybe). And maybe I have, who knows ?
The important thing is, I guess, that I'm mostly happy with how life has treated me, or how I have managed to live through it. A year wiser, just as handsome haha, I can't complain. So what to do know... I guess I'll just start getting ready for next year!
And, btw, thanks to everybody who remembered and who helped make it a special day :)

Alone in the dark...

2006-03-21T20:59:00.000-06:00

You know how sometimes you just need some time alone ? Time to spend with yourself, time away from it all ?
Well, then there are times when you find yourself alone, and you just wish you weren't, when you know you have friends but they're not in reach, when you'd give anything to have someone just smile back at you...

Take care, I'll try to write soon.

PS thanx for being here BW

One with the Universe...

2006-03-07T22:36:00.000-06:00

I've always said it, now I even have a certificate that says so jaja. This past friday I took a Reiki course and I am now supposedly a channel for the energy in the universe. So there.
It was interesting, really, through the martial arts I've learned quite a bit about meditation and internal energy and what not, and this was something of the kind. All the energy using stuff was cool, but what I really liked was the philosophy: self-healing, inner balance and all that.
So, a new trick in the bag let's see where it takes me. In the end, learning new things is always cool. I think every new thing helps you understand more of the next. It's an unrealistic and impossible goal to learn eeeeverything, but a healthy curiosity is always the doorway to a sharper mind.
Remember that boys and girls u never know exactly what you may find usefull.
I need to go, but I promise to update tomorrow, read you then !

Back...

2006-02-26T14:37:00.000-06:00

I was going to title this post "reporting in" or something like that, but it was too close to Bondwalker's so "Back..." will have to do.
So I had a busy week. Tuesday before last, date of my last post actually, my boss told me I had to go to Dallas with our state team to the US taekwondo Open. Come wednesday, I'm on a bus (again!) to Dallas. Fate, life or whatever you may call it seems to have a sense of humor. Not even a month ago I wrote that it was probably the last tournament I would travel to in some time, and there I was on my way again. The trip was both catastrophic and awesome. I won't get into the bad parts, most of you who read this probably heard it already anyway. (DAMN, I have the Olympics closing ceremony on, and Avril Lavigne just started singing...wtf ?)
On the bright side it was probably the biggest tournament I've been to and I didn't have that much work so I was able to see most of the fights and actually meet some people. I saw guys and girls from Germany, Russia, China, Latvia, Australia and every other corner of the world. (take note people, a bit of wisdom here: the world may be round, but it has a bunch of corners, trust me) The competition level was pretty high, a friend won 1st and one of my students got 2nd, so all in all an excellent trip.
When finally got back on Monday I had a ridiculous amount of catching up to do at work and my french lessons, had to organize an exhibition for yesterday, I just had a busy week. But here I am, finally reporting back. The week was really tiring but the weekend has treated me well. Some R&R with a dear friend (hiiiiiii sweetie!), and a bbq last night, what more can you ask for ? Now I'm just getting ready to enjoy a lazy Sunday.
It's good to be back... read you soon !

Will you be my valentine?

2006-02-14T09:45:00.000-06:00

Happy Valentine's day !
I'm not one of those consumists that goes valentine's crazy and buys cards for every girl he knows. A lot of my friends don't like this day at all. Capitalist economies trying to make business out of your feelings and all that. Me ? I have to admit I like it. I just don't spend a lot of money on it haha.
In Mexico Valentine's day is the day of "love and friendship." I guess they throw the friendship in there so everybody who isn't in love or doesn't have a special someone will get something for their friends anyway. The thing is, if you've payed any attention to this blog whatsoever, you should've realized by now that friendship is insanely important to me, and that I'm a hopeless romantic. So you can obviously see the appeal this day has to me :)
A perfect and almost official day to tell you're friends and loved ones just how special they are. So, to all my friends, you know you are the top of the list, whatever, whenever, whereever and however, I'll be there.
And to you... what can I say ? What can I say that you don't already know, that my eyes don't tell you everytime I see you? Thank you for being, for everything... the rest you get in person.
To everyone else, have a great valentine's !

42,000 voices ...

2006-02-14T09:26:00.000-06:00

Ok, so it took me a while to post, but cut me some slack, I'm a busy guy. U2, what can I say ? I had mixed emotions about the experience... don't get me wrong, the whole thing was amazing, but I guess my expectations where a bit higher. Mostly I think my complaints (well, other than the fact that they started kind of late and the mike sound wasn't so good at first) are with the band. There was almost no public interaction. Bono was cool, he danced around, he took two girls on stage, he wore a sombrero and everything. He didn't talk a whole lot, but I guess the man doesn't speak a lot of spanish. The Edge walked around a bit and I do mean "a bit." And that's it ! The other two guys (I told you I wasn't a fan, I don't have a clue what their names are) barely moved at all ! No facial expression, no joy to play whatsoever ! Maybe they're just used to soldl out arenas every single place they go to, I don't know, but it would've been a lot cooler if it even seemed they were enjoying themselves.
Other than that, incredible. The music, the lights, the screens, all awesome. I count myself as a guy who doesn't know the lyrics to the songs but knows the chorus to all the big ones. And there were 42,000 other guys and girls like me out there. The sound of practically every soul in that sold out place singing, shouting "in the naaaame of looove" is just... I can't describe it. And I jumped, and I screamed, and I waved my hands like you can only do at a concert like this. And I had a blast. The whole "big concert" experience finally came to my boring town, and I went through the whole thing. And yesterday, the day after, all you could hear were stories about the concert. Which, now that I think about it, is kind of lame haha but still. Monterrey rocked, and I was there.
Now let's see if I can get some Rolling Stones tickets :D

Me too !

2006-02-12T11:53:00.000-06:00

I realize I need to be careful with what I say around all you music lovers. I am aware that U2 may not technically be the best band on earth, you know, musically speaking. But man, they rock, and tonight my town rocks with them! It will be an awesome show ! I need to go get in line.. start the whole concert experience, I just wish Bondwalker was here to jump right along with me.
I'll let you know how it went !

"These five words..."

2006-02-09T08:37:00.000-06:00

I have a hero complex, I don't know if I've written about that yet, but anybody that can claim to know me knows it's a fact. I like to think that it's not to crave attention or glory, it's just that I really care about my friends and I genuinely want to do whatever I can to help them. So imagine now that one of my very best friends, someone I actually love, is going through hard times and there really is nothing practical I can do about it. It's frustrating, damn it !
But I've learned that sometimes passive action can be just as important. So here I am. At least you know I'm not going anywhere, at least you know you can reach me any time at any place. For you there are no rules, no schedules. My soul, my sword at your service for whatever you may need them. Ears to listen, arms to hug, a shoulder to cry on or just my back to help you bear the weight.
It's all that I can offer and I hope it can make a difference: I'll be there for you.

Hey bro !

2006-02-07T10:01:00.000-06:00

BTW, my brother's in town tonight!!!

Trip Recovery...

2006-02-07T09:53:00.000-06:00

Finally a good night's sleep, it had been a week since I slept in my bed... any bed for that matter, and my back was killing me. But after some well earned rest here I am filling you guys in.
I took my students to a tournament in Galveston this weekend. I just love those trips, but they're a ridiculous amount of work. I specially like when we go to this one in particular because it's very close to a place where I spent most of my teen summers and I just can't help soaking up the memories. Now that I think of it, this was probably my last trip of this kind for a very long while. See, I'm leaving for France later this year, and I really don't know what will happen after that, but there's a good chance these days are over. I've spent more than 10 years of my life doing this, it's hard to believe it's coming to an end.
Anyway, as always, you keep great memories and you look forward to new ones. Right now I have to concentrate on getting better and getting busy fixing that whole year-in-europe plan.

Leaving on a... bus?

2006-02-01T23:45:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I'm leaving for a tournament on Galveston, which is the main reason I haven't been posting lately. It will be a crazy weekend, but I hope it'll be all worth it. I'll let you know how it goes !
Read ya' later !

Oh, and by the way...

2006-01-25T12:57:00.000-06:00

I still haven't seen King Kong (the new one) !

Sugar high ?

2006-01-23T08:27:00.000-06:00

I feel the rush of living on the border of sanity, but I dread what will happen if I fall.

Japanese ban...

2006-01-20T10:02:00.000-06:00

I just KNOW Bondwalker will be laughing silly when she reads this. I spent a horrible night and all I can think of that could be at fault is some damn sushi I had. I just knew that stuff wasn't good for me damn it ! This is what happens when I don't listen to myself. Long live western junk food !

Hiii...

2006-01-20T09:59:00.000-06:00

I justed wanted to say "hiii" to a special friend I've spent some time with this week. We hadn't had times like these in a while, and I can honestly say ist's been amazing. What happens next, I have no clue. It's at a point were things can keep cool or get very ugly very quickly. But what the hell, I'll enjoy it while I can ! Like I said before, it's about living, not surviving.

Close call !

2006-01-15T11:26:00.000-06:00

So I'm finally getting used to my old rutine again.. with a new perspective, of course, but the hours are kind of hard. I'm pretty sure I hadn't posted that I have tickets for U2. They were a real pain to get and I was very excited about the concert. Las week, my boss tells me we have a tournament in Austin the day before the concert !!! It was supposed to be one week after but he messed up. I had a really tough choice to make there, one because it was really hard to get those tickets and I think it won't be very often that a band like that plays a place like this, and two, I really like going to those tournaments and it's a big part of my job.
I was already thinking of just flipping a coin to pick what to do when we find out that there's another tournament in Galveston just one week before the other one ! One quick change of scheduling and everything is great again: I get to go to the tournament and see an awesome show the following week.
But damn... that was close.

Until our paths cross again... soon!

2006-01-07T21:33:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how... actually, that's how a song that I keep close to me starts... another story altogether but I won't get into that now, there's just how much a guy can take for one weekend. When I was driving to work this morning (yes, I'm one of the poor souls who works saturday mornings) I realized just how big my city is and how small I felt in it. I just felt... alone.
Yesterday two of the most important persons in my life left, literally, to the other side of the world. They are starting their own new adventure, a big and brave step and I couldn't be happier for them. One of them has been like a brother for me since grade school, and the other one, well, words can hardly describe what she is to me, and I'm not talking romance here. My soulmate, my teammate, my sister; the one person who, once all others had left, I knew would never turn her back on me, no matter who hard it was for either of us. My companion on so many adventures. My friend. God, I'll miss her. These feelings are hard ! I'm both genuinely happy for her and truly sad to see her go.
But that's just me being selfish. See, once she left, the last of my friends, my real family, are gone. Yeah, I know a lot of people in town, a few very good friends as well. But they in turn have their own groups of friends, their own families and priorities, and it's just not the same. One of the other persons I grew very close to while everyone else was away is sort of unreachable for me at the moment (another story I might consider telling someday). I will be leaving town myself in around 8 months but that is a very long time. Things are gonna be rough for me for a while.
But it's not the end, not by a log shot. I made a promise to a couple of people to be strong ("rob es fuedte") and I will be. Our adventures together haven't ended, I know that. I will just have to smile when I remember those that have passed, and start planning the new ones. We have a motto, my friends and I: "They might slow us but they will never stop us." Our bond is strong, and mere miles, even thousands of them, won't weaken that. And until we see each other again, I will make you proud, I will be strong and I will grow. Take care of yourselves guys, we still have a lot to do together... soon !

Thing that shouldn't have been forgotten...

2006-01-05T12:30:00.000-06:00

I can't remember the exact quote, it's in one of the LOTR movies (I did read the books, but I'm not sure if it's a direct quote, so all you Tolkien fans: lay off the hate mail). When they're telling the story of the ring they say something like "... and things that shouldn't have been forgotten, were..."
I felt something like that when I was traveling home from Playa. I had such a great time ! And it wasn't just laying on the beach, sleeping and partying. Actually I was working my ass off most of the time. But I was sweating with my brother and a lot of new friends and we enjoyed and laughed every minute of it. When I went out at night I was living every moment, looking forward what the next second, the next day would bring. I hadn't felt like that in a while, and that's kind of sad.
The last few months in Mty were very busy, my day would start at 6:30am: yoga class, french lessons, lunch, work til 9:30, dinner and maybe going out later. But now I realise I wasn't having any fun. I was going through every our and every event "because I had to." And that's just not cool. But you know what ? It's not happening any more ! If you make a journey, and you return exactly as you left, then something didn't go right. It doesn't have to be anything drastic or dramatic but I do believe something changes everytime. In my case, my trip made me remember why I do everything, and that no job, vacation, class is worth anything if you do it basically by pure inertia.
I remebered to enjoy what I'm doing, to keep in mind where all this is taking me. Life is for living it, not for surviving it. That is something that should never be forgotten. And that is something I bring back from my vacation. A good life lesson, many new friends, a fresh start on a new year. What more can you ask for ? Well, jaja, there is one thing: maybe for Mérida to be a bit closer ; )

Happy New Year !!!

2005-12-31T11:13:00.000-06:00

And what a year it was ! Thanks go to all those people that shared some part of their lives with me in 2005, good times and bad. It was a year of very amazing things with both moments of glory and moments of tears, but it will all be remembered for the good times I spent with the people I love. Learn from the bad and always, always remember the good. A big hug goes out to all of you from Playa, one which I hope to give in person soon.
May the next one be even better, happy new year !!!!!
PS: For the nights in Paris... cheers !

"En el mar la vida es más sabrosa"

2005-12-28T09:42:00.000-06:00

Playa del Carmen is... surreal. I haven't met a single person from playa, everybody is from somewhere else in the world, coming to look for a different lifestyle. There is nothing to do but lay on the beach (haven't done that), party till mornig (a bit of that), and work in bars and hostles (a bunch of that). I will report later, but in the meantime, I'll tell you this: life is definitely sweeter at the beach !

Time and time again...

2005-12-12T12:15:00.000-06:00

As I've written in other posts, one by one my friends are coming home, some on vacation, some for a while. And it's already starting to feel like family again. It's funny how life works... a couple of years ago, I saw my friends basically every day, and most of the weekend. I saw more of them than I saw my parents or sister. We went through school together and after we graduated thing really didn't change much. At some point we all aquiered other groups of friends, but we always, always, managed to keep in touch, see each other ever wednesday. We lived through failed relationships and other such troubles. But time is tricky... sooner or later, "adult life" starts to kick in. And different lives lay in different paths, in this case in different cities, even different continents (3 of them!) When most of them left us who stayed kept going, and whenever everyone came to visit, it felt as if they had never left. That's how strong we are. And in the mean time, you get to know more people, you get to renew friendships and you get to live new things.
This year in particular was, is... pretty much undescribable. I've felt happier than I've felt in a very long time, and sadder as well. And I try to picture myself in a few years, and I try to think of my friends, and where will we all be, what will we be doing, who might we be with. It's hard ! Really hard ! I see other adults, older folks, and how life has treated them, and I wonder if that will happen to me, to us. It almost always seems like our lives before and after this very moment, are lived by two totally different people. I'm well aware that every choice I make brings me one step closer to the future, but I also know that I'm not alone, and the future isn't only decided by me, but also by the people who are close to me and the choices they make. It's like a mystical game of chess, you make a move, life makes another, and then you move to counter. I've played this game time and time again, and I keep wondering if I've made the right choices, and then what am I supposed to do next. I guess being an idealistic dreamer doesn't help much. But you do your best with what you're given, and you prepare for the worst, always hoping for the best. And in the end, althought you really can't help it, you wonder if it's even worth worrying about.
In the end, all you can do is go on and wait for life's next move. And then, only time will tell.

The little one has returned !

2005-12-12T12:12:00.000-06:00

Another dear friend is back in town, I haven't seen her yet, but it won't be long. Welcome back Piny, there's a huge hug and a big kiss waiting for you right here.

Welcome back my friend !

2005-12-08T12:16:00.000-06:00

I know, a lot of posts today. Deal with it.
Good old Joch arrives from down under tonight. Welcome home buddy, you were really missed. There's a lot of catching up to do, and a lot of universal truths to discuss, so let's start brewing that coffee. Each day La Banda grows stronger !

Things that must be said in Spanish...

2005-12-08T12:14:00.000-06:00

¡¡ Hace un frío del carajo !!

Ohhh ohhhh I'm still alive !!!

2005-12-08T12:06:00.000-06:00

3 hrs of Peal Jam, what can I say ? One of, if not the, greatest concerts I've ever been to. When you're not feeling 100%, when you've had a bad week, when you're cold and nostalgic, when you start to feel old... there's nothing like great music to have you jumping in a crowd of thousands like there's no tomorrow. Nothing like a little rock to wake your soul up, nothing like the look in your friend's eyes when you finally find her and she's towering over the crowd. Oh yeah, I'm definitely still alive !

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2005-12-05T10:30:00.000-06:00

This morning I officially started thinking about Xmas time. It's December, it's cloudy and just a bit chilly, and there's a tree full of lights in my living room. I like Xmas actually, I'm no grinch. I like buying gifts and I won't deny that getting some is pretty cool too. But most of all, I like spending time with my friends. For the past couple of years my group of friends has been hindered by distance, so it's not very often that we're all under the same roof. The last time was actually last year's holidays.
So today, preparations start. I will be making a list, and checking it twice. I'll begin to make things ready for that day, I'll try to organize my shopping and start working on the menu. I've got dessert ready, btw, and it's a winner ! I'll be thinking of who will be there, who probably won't show up and who I wish would. In the end, of course, it's not about fancy gifts or elegant meals. It's about La Banda, my dearest friends whom I've chosen to call family, and the day we celebrate together.
Let the countdown begin !

Fear the wrath of a patient man...

2005-12-02T14:53:00.000-06:00

I know probably none of them are reading this, or will ever, but I have to get this out of my system.
To all you evil idiots out there: if you hurt the people I love pray to any and all gods you might know that I'm not the first to find you.

A warrior's tale...

2005-12-01T22:48:00.000-06:00

The last time I wrote for the 'net, was somewhere around 1999. It was a different world then, both the virtual and the real one, and I was a different person.
About ten years ago an entity was born out of an idea, an identity if you will. His name won't be mentioned here, but some of you might know who I'm talking about. The initial idea was that in the web one could be immortal. There was no pain, no trouble, no situation from which you couldn't escape, or simply turn in your favor. In the web, you were free. Free to be and say anything. To a writer, or at least for someone with aspirations to be, that was power. Real power. And so this idea, this identity came to life. First just as one of many on the boards. But with time came power, came daring, and the idea grew stronger. The identity grew to be more than just a witness. Suddenly there was a will to be a little more, to not just see change but be a part of it, to fight battles on it's own, to make a little, if only an infinitesimal part, of history. A true warrior born. A being not afraid to speak up, to speak back, and to be true to the one
thing that was important over all the rest, to the idea from which it spawned. And that it did.
A little more time passed, and the battles stopped being public, but never stopped being fought. Every time the "real" world grew too heavy, too sad, every time things were not how the warrior dreamed, or "were not supposed to be," words came out. Battles were fought. Blood was drawn. Some ideas were hurt, some were shattered, but others only grew stronger. And thus time passed and the world changed. So did the warrior, and so did it's host. But the story never did. Always there to save the day, brave enough to dare, strong enough to suffer, whenever the host might fall, the warrior was there, more than willing to fight, win or lose, ready to move on, to fight once again.
And then, a few weeks ago, there was another battle. But when the smoke cleared, when the fires started to die, something was different. For the first time in more than a decade, when the fight was over, the warrior was nowhere in sight. He simply disappeared. I'm really not sure if he finally died, or he couldn't find the strength to fight again. At the end of the day the problem really isn't what happened, but what does it mean. In the end, was he proved wrong ? Was it really all not worth it ? Is it true that the world isn't meant to live up to dreams ? Is it crazy to think that if you wish, if you fight, hard enough you can make them come true? Is pain and disappointment at the end of the road for all us crazy dreamers?
...

Hell no.

It might be that the line between the warrior and the host became so blurred it was becoming hard to tell them apart. It could be that an idea can only become as strong as he, or they, who believe in it. It just might be that struggling on two grounds as two entities, can never be as effective as fighting as one. I think the truth is that two halves aren't the same as a whole.

So what happens now ? I have no idea. All I know is that for the first time in years, the night brings no transformation, and both worlds are seen through the same eyes. The original idea is alive and strong, and the fire that spawned it is as bright, brighter in fact, than ever. I'm sure that more fights will come, more dreams will be born, more paths will be walked, and more adventures will be lived. And I will be there, sword, heart and words in hand for all of them. And you're all welcome to join me.

Read you later !

Work in progress...

2005-12-01T14:13:00.000-06:00

bear with me...